he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
pop tarts are not kleenex
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
