dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
