The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
