from now on my penis is your penis
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
