is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
