goodnight i made you a song goodbye
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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