Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
