I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
