I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Text me some of your sweat
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
