I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
