Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
