So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
