apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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