I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
