i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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