It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
