Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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