Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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