Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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