i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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