How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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