I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
