dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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