So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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