i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
