Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
