why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
