Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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