time to smoke my breakfast
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
