I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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