whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
