Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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