just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
