While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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