yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
