I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
