I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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