i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't deserve a penis
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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