I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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