I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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