I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
