Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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