First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
a search helicopter?!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
