using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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