I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
