here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
