Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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