my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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