singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
