It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize