Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
