we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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