I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
