U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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