note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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