FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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