It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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