Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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