people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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