Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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