How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
