when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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