so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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